EPISODE DESCRIPTION
Welcome to It's Gonna Be Fine, the podcast where we bring you the stories and trends you may have missed, and unpack what's really going on.
This week: Social media was supposed to bring us closer together. So why are we becoming less social?
From spending Friday nights at home instead of with friends to the decline of dinner parties and even the rise of family estrangement, we are spending less time connecting with the people in our lives. And Matti has a (obvious) theory: social media is a big part of the problem.
In this episode, we explore the connection between our online lives and our offline relationships, from the ways social platforms enable scams to the temptation to scroll instead of socialize. He also reflects on the importance of community, the effort real relationships require, and what we might be missing when connecting online becomes easier than showing up in person.
There are plenty of reasons our social habits are changing, and social media isn’t the whole story. But maybe it’s time we reconsider what we’re actually getting out of it.
Because if social media is making us less social, maybe it’s time for a new name: antisocial media.
Referenced in this Episode
Frontline - "Scammed" (via YouTube)
The Atlantic - "Whatever Happened to Friday Night?"
The Atlantic - "Why Americans Stopped Throwing Dinner Parties"
The Wall Street Journal - "Why Are So Many Adults Cutting Off Their Parents?"
TRANSCRIPT
I remember the first time I heard the phrase “social media.” It was around 2009 or 2010, at my first job in marketing. At company meetings and in the hallways, people started talking about this new phrase: how it was the future of marketing, how it should be part of our clients’ marketing efforts, and how it was such an interesting new media channel.
I’ll be honest: for a while, I didn’t even understand what “social media” meant as a term. I knew what Facebook was and used it regularly, but platforms like Instagram and TikTok hadn’t even been invented yet. So, social media? Never heard of her.
People would say it, and I’d nod and smile, pretending I understood the concept. It took me an embarrassing amount of time to catch on, but I eventually did—and social media became the thing that defined the 2010s. But what else happened during that time?
Today, we’re going to dive into some modern trends that can tell us a lot about social media’s impact. From scams to major declines in IRL socializing to cutting off family members, I think it’s time to take a fresh look at social media and ask whether there’s anything social about it at all.
Here we go.
Online Scams and Social Media Platforms
Hello, and welcome to Episode 35 of It’s Gonna Be Fine. Thirty-five! That’s pretty good. We’re doing well. Hopefully, another 35, and then another 35.
Thanks so much for being here for this particular episode, which I feel quite passionate about. We’ve got some really interesting stories and trends this week that start to tell an interesting story about where we’ve come—and where we’ve gone—over the last 15 years or so.
Let’s dive right in with an incredible documentary from FRONTLINE. If you haven’t seen it, you should. It’s called Scammed, and you can watch the full, roughly two-hour documentary for free on YouTube. It’s all about what I’ll call the scamming industry: the platforms, people, economics, and governments that enable it, and just how much harm it has done.
I’ll share a couple of highlights from the documentary and tie them into the bigger concept we’re talking about. It opens with a very sad story about a teenager who was sextorted. Someone coerced him into taking photos of himself and sending them through social media, then threatened to make them public unless he paid. Tragically, he ended up taking his own life.
The documentary interviews his father, who appears throughout the film and again at the end. He makes a comment I thought was really telling: at some point, big tech companies like Meta, Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat have to be held responsible. At the end of the day, they provide the tools that allow people to scam others. Social media platforms are enabling dangerous behavior.
The filmmakers also interview someone who had worked at Facebook, I believe on the safety team. He says it’s pretty clear—from studies, court cases, and even a new movie about Zuckerberg and Facebook—that the companies knew their platform was doing harm. The whistleblower story is worth looking into, too. If you haven’t seen that movie, it’s probably worth a watch. I saw it last weekend, I think.
The former employee’s point was that companies are essentially choosing not to do more. There are things they can do; they know about the problem, and they’re choosing not to act.
The documentary also looks at countries where some of these scams originate, including Nigeria, and other places where scamming has become an industry. In some cases, people live in compounds or “campuses” against their will because they’ve been trafficked and are forced to scam vulnerable people.
After watching, I had the same reaction: Why aren’t social media companies doing more to stop this? My reaction was pretty strong. Why don’t they just shut down Facebook and Instagram in places where the problem is out of control? I’m sure there are lots of reasons that doesn’t happen, including legal complications, but there are so many problems in these areas.
Here we are, walking down the street saying, “Hey, social media this, social media that.” What about scamming media? Let’s call it that. What’s social about people losing hundreds of thousands of dollars and all the crime that’s going on?
There are things being done, and I highly recommend checking out the documentary. But that’s one example of what social media has become—or at least what it has enabled—in a very significant way.
Why We’re Spending Less Time With Friends
In addition to scams, there are other things we can look at from the last decade. One of my favorite publications is The Atlantic, because it has such rich stories. You probably hear me quote it a lot. Recently, it published two very interesting pieces. The first was called “Friday Night Is No Longer a Social Gathering Night,” and it caught my attention.
The article has some interesting data about socializing, specifically on Friday nights, though it discusses other nights of the week, too. Over the past couple of decades, Americans have been spending less and less time with their friends.
People often blame the pandemic, of course. But this trend started well before COVID-19 and has continued long after the restrictions went away. Researchers found that beginning in the mid-2010s, the biggest decline in time spent with friends was on Friday nights.
According to a 2026 Harris poll focused on Gen Z, 73% said they preferred staying home—not just on Friday night, but for the whole weekend. Their default weekend plan was to stay home.
There could be lots of reasons for this, but let’s look at a little more data. It’s not just Friday night for Gen Z; for others, it’s the whole week. A 2020 Gallup poll asked Americans about their favorite way to spend an evening. The top answer was staying home with family. Number two was watching television or a movie at home. Only 3% said entertaining or visiting friends was their favorite evening activity.
This started happening about two decades ago. Researchers also saw declines in the mid-2010s. What was going on during that time? The last 10, 15, or 20 years were defined by social media. And during that time, IRL socializing—“IRL” stands for “in real life”—has plummeted.
This resonated with me because I kind of feel it, too. These days, the thought of going out on a Friday night after a week of work is exhausting. Just thinking about it makes me want to curl up in bed. Even when I have weekday evening plans, I really have to force myself to go. I usually end up having a good time and am glad I went; it’s definitely worth it. But the energy it takes to get up and go feels like a newer concept.
Part of that is probably age. I’m not a spring chicken anymore—I’m a geriatric millennial—so I’m sure that plays a part. But I feel it, and I know other friends of mine in various age groups feel it, too. It’s an interesting correlation between the rise of “social” media and the decline in wanting to spend time with friends.
The Decline of Dinner Parties
The second story from The Atlantic was about dinner parties specifically. Do you remember dinner parties and potlucks? We used to do them all the time: going to a friend’s house, eating, mingling, playing games, and having a great time. Well, apparently, we don’t do that as much anymore.
Here’s some data from that Atlantic article. Until 1975, 50% of Americans said they entertained guests at home every month. I’ve heard stories from my grandparents about how they were always having guests over, and my parents told me about it, too. It seemed to be a popular thing. We’ve all seen older TV shows and movies where people regularly had company over.
From 1975 to 1998, a period of about 23 years, the percentage of Americans who hosted or attended dinner parties declined by half. The number of people who said they never entertained at home tripled.
Of course, 1975 to 1998 was well before social media, so we can’t make that connection just yet. But the trend has continued in the era of social media. Over the past 30 years, going back to the mid-1990s, we’ve seen double-digit declines in practically all kinds of socialization in America.
Things like hanging out with friends to play cards, attending a sporting event, going to a bar, volunteering, and participating in community projects have all declined. And here’s the kicker: the percentage of Americans who say they host friends or family at home at least once a month was around 50% before 1975. Starting in 1975, it fell to 42%. By 2026, it was down to 12%. That’s a major drop over the last 50 years.
Of course, there are so many reasons this might be happening. People are busy, and families are busy. I talk to people with kids, and half their lives seem to be scheduling, driving the kids here, and picking them up there. It really consumes you, and maybe even more than it did in the past. That could be a reason. COVID and isolation habits also became the norm during the pandemic, and some people might have kept those habits.
However, I’d argue that we can’t ignore social media, either. To go from 50% to 42% and then keep falling to 12%—there’s too much of a connection to ignore. Think about it: you can sit at home and scroll, watch Reels, chat on iMessage or WhatsApp, or whatever it is. There are ways to keep ourselves occupied at home.
The writer of this piece seemed to be making the argument that social media has made it easier not to socialize. It’s the path of least resistance. I don’t have to make plans, wait for my friend to get back to me, coordinate schedules, get dressed, or look my best. These are all things we don’t have to do. In the past, it was just part of life; there wasn’t much else to do. Now there are so many options, and many of them let you stay on your couch doing nothing.
Being social these days is hard. And we don’t like hard things. I certainly don’t.
The article was written by Derek Thompson, whom you might recognize from The Atlantic. He also has a podcast called Plain English. He has referred to this period of declining socialization as the “antisocial century.”
Community, Neighbors, and Shabbat
After reading the piece, I started thinking about other ways I’ve experienced this. The last place I lived was a pretty big apartment complex—three or four floors and probably 40-something units. There were lots of neighbors and people around all the time. It was one of those buildings with a gym in the lobby and other amenities. The draw was community living.
And I’ll tell you: nobody talked to each other. Not a word. You’d wait for the elevator standing next to someone. Maybe you’d get a “hi.” I’m not exempt from this, either. Sometimes I’d engage, and sometimes I wouldn’t. You might nod and smile, or if someone had a dog, you’d pet it and say, “The dog’s so cute.”
But these apartment buildings with amenities are supposed to be community-driven places. Instead, it felt like we were all living in our own isolated units. I had neighbors on my floor who wouldn’t even acknowledge me when we walked past each other. They’d grimace. I remember thinking, “What is their problem?” It’s one thing not to acknowledge someone, but to make a face? The whole thing felt strange. I wondered whether that had something to do with this broader trend.
I was also thinking about something in Jewish tradition called Shabbat. People observe it in different ways, but essentially it’s a time for family and friends to disconnect from the usual routine and spend time together, typically on Friday nights and Saturdays.
I thought, “Wow, there’s really something to that. That’s probably something we need more of these days.” Maybe we Jews were onto something: there’s a benefit to slowing down a little and intentionally spending time together on Friday night. It’s interesting that Friday night is one of the times when people are spending less time with friends.
Whether you formally celebrate Shabbat or not, it’s something to think about incorporating in some way—to encourage ourselves to socialize more, in ways we enjoy.
Social Media and Family Estrangement
We’re not hosting people anymore, and we’re not doing many things like Shabbat—or whatever version of that works for you. So it was interesting when I saw a third piece, this one from The Wall Street Journal, titled “Why Are So Many Adults Cutting Off Their Parents?”
I’ve heard other podcasts cover this, too, each taking an interesting angle. For me, it wasn’t even just about what was in the article. There are certainly reasons for family estrangement. But after seeing these pieces about spending less time together and the harm social media has been doing—and we’re only talking about one example, the FRONTLINE piece about scams, when there are many other issues discussed in previous episodes and in the news all the time—I started thinking about why people seem to be cutting off family members more readily.
The article asks why so many adults are doing this. I have some guesses. Before I get into them, I want to be very clear: there are numerous reasons someone might make this decision. Everyone is in a different situation. It’s not as simple as saying it happens too frequently or that people shouldn’t do it. Everyone’s scenario is unique, and they have to make the best decisions for themselves.
That said, if we think about how social media has isolated us and created parasocial relationships, with us going down rabbit holes of content that take us outside the real world, perhaps we have less patience for our real-life relationships.
We’re probably watching content for hours a day and seeing influencers—“influencers,” as I say for the listening audience—who tell us things like, “If your family doesn’t validate you, cut them off. You deserve better.” They’re probably sharing their own stories, and we connect our experiences to those of a stranger online who has 200,000 followers. That advice and those messages are out there, and we’re engaging so much more with this online world than the real world.
I actually understand the urge, because I’ve personally had major ups and downs with family—a roller coaster of good times and bad. There were times when things got bad enough that I thought about it: Should I cut people off for good? I remember talking about it with a therapist, who approached it as a pretty big decision and something to think through. It can have a lot of ramifications, and you might feel differently about it in a few years.
I understand the urge to do something like that, because there can be something empowering about taking control and taking ownership, especially when you feel hurt and are in pain. However, formally cutting someone off and becoming estranged—especially a parent, sibling, or child—is a huge step. It can create trauma and bring up a lot of trauma, so it isn’t a decision to take lightly.
When I think about it now, I’m really glad I never went through with it. Of course, everyone has to do what they feel is best. But this article got me thinking about the connections between the negative effects of social media, the sharp reduction in socializing, and spending less time with real people. It makes sense to me that we might be living in a world where major decisions like cutting off parents or other family members, or becoming estranged, come more easily to some people.
What The Practice Can Teach Us About Relationships
There’s one other example I want to share. I think I’ve mentioned this show before, but it ran a long time ago, back when people might still have been having dinner parties. It ran from the late 1990s into the early and mid-2000s. I remember watching parts of it then, and I still sometimes catch reruns. It’s called The Practice, a legal drama. So good. So, so good.
I recently saw a rerun of an episode where family and relationships came up in an interesting way. One of the characters is a defense attorney who represents some very shady, dangerous people. His ex-wife felt that his involvement in that world was having a negative influence on their child. They have a son together, and after a few things happened, she decided enough was enough and went to court to fight for full custody.
The episode follows their fight, their relationships, the ups and downs, and the emotions involved. It was a really great episode. At the end, the judge delivers his verdict—but instead of announcing it in open court, he brings them into his chambers. He tells them, “My verdict is that you haven’t tried hard enough.”
He doesn’t decide who gets custody right then. Instead, he tells them they need to try again. And if that fails, try again. And if that fails, try again. If all of that fails, then maybe they can come back and rethink it, putting together a solution that could work—but always putting the child’s best interests first.
I thought that was beautiful. He was saying they had to put in more effort because this was a huge decision. It was a feel-good moment. And this was in the early 2000s.
I think that now, trying again and trying harder doesn’t seem to be our mentality anymore. It’s too hard, and it’s so much easier to do the alternative. Life is now all about quickly scrolling and moving on to the next thing. I think we’re starting to see that reflected in the trends and stories we’re seeing in the real world.
So, Is It Time to Call It Antisocial Media?
Are there likely many reasons we’re seeing these trends? Absolutely. It’s not just because of one thing, social media. But we really don’t have to look very far to see one of the main culprits.
So with that, I say to you: welcome to the world where we now refer to it as antisocial media.
That’s my take this week. Of course, I want to know if you agree or disagree. Do you think it’s just a coincidence? Maybe social media has a little to do with it, but maybe it’s just the way things happened. I’d love to hear from you. You know how to reach me: on Instagram, by email, or in the comments.
And if you have any clever or better names for social media, I want to hear those, too. Thank you, everyone, for listening or watching—however you’re consuming this podcast. We’ll see you next time.
This transcript has been lightly edited for readability.
